I'm getting more and more intrigued by this make-your-own-book

I'm getting more and more intrigued by this make-your-own-book thing. I told hubby about it and he thought it sounded like a good idea. I'd been wondering how I could keep all the writing I've done here on a disc or as a file on my computer, while being able to dismantle it afterwards.

Some people may think, why not just leave it up? I can't see myself doing that. If I'm going to stop writing here I'm just going to just take the blog down all together. I hate it when I stumble across a blog that seems interesting only to realize it hasn't been updated in a year or more. It seems like something just left dangling in the wind. Stagnant. I guess I just feel like if my business is finished, and you were not here for the ride when it was happening, then you don't get to jump on later.

Meanwhile, back here at the ranch, hubby and I talked a little bit this morning about how we're doing in marriage counseling. I'm thinking we are close to done. Not immediately, but maybe by this summer we can say goodbye to couples counseling. We are certainly more connected now than we have been in years, in a good way, not a co-dependent way. I don't feel like I have to hide thoughts from him anymore, and I don't think he's hiding anything from me anymore.

We are gentle with each other and we are expressing our needs to one another without fear. We have talked about some past resentments and have moved on with forgiveness and understanding. I think we're in the clear on a few subjects that have been touchy for years. When I hug him now I often think, "god Anybeth, you almost left him, you wanted to leave him for another man, what the hell?! That would have been the biggest mistake of your life".

It's funny how "crazy" can just sneak up on a person. I guess in reality it didn't sneak up on me, it had been building and building. Like the alcohol abuse over the years. It didn't happen overnight, it took years of ebb and flow to get really bad. It took years of work and healing and determination to be where I am now.

My marriage didn't get rocky and disconnected overnight. It took years of distance and autonomy and drinking and isolating to get where we were. I can actually look at Pirate Boy now and think, he's very charming and very good looking, but what else?

Would he rub my back when I'm gasping for breath having an asthma attack? Would he support me when I'm having difficulties with family issues? Would he laugh when I fart in bed? Would he take the dog out in the rain and dark on a winter night because I'm already in my pajamas? Would he bring me coffee in bed on a gloomy Sunday morning? Would he build me a new computer? Would he have gone to marriage counseling with me if we needed it? Would he have put up with me falling in love with another man, right before his very eyes? Would he have stuck by me for 15 years of drinking problems, job changes, pet emergencies, arguments, financial difficulties, remodeling projects, weight changes, and occasional depression and mania?

Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it.

I think my next post will detail my journey with alcohol up to now. It's time to revisit that old theme and do some compare and contrast. Then, I think I'm done.

Right now it's a lovely and sunny Spring morning here in the Northwest. Time to hit the gym and get my day moving. I have some paintings to frame, a dog that needs a bath, and some grocery shopping to do. Life is good.